Not What You Say, But How You Say It

My sisters can vouch for this: I am extra sensitive!!! I try to play like I'm hard and I got it all together, but really I am over-analytic and very people conscious. I grew a tough skin growing up in my house with two older sisters (that I love very much)! But what I remember most saying, not just to my sisters (who rolled their eyes when I cried cause they were jokingly picking on me), but also to my parents (who granted love each other but fight over "Why you say it like that?!" kind of stuff): "Its not what you say, but how you say it!"

I don't care how many times someone apologizes, you could tell if they were being sincere, right? Well same thing applies to regular everyday conversations. When you are talking to someone we often let the way we are feeling get in the way of how we speak to people or our attitudes. I remember one time distinctly last semester, one of my sorors and I started jokingly hitting each other in the boob at random (yeah, its stupid. But we are all a little stupid sometimes.). One day I was having a really crappy day, and she came up to me and hit me. Me, acting out of how I was feeling that instead of the light of the moment , hit her EXTRA hard. She got mad and we yelled .  .  . and like all good sisters we got over it eventually. But the point was I let the fact that I was having a bad day influence my actions which in turn ruined someone else day. All I'm saying is sometimes you have to take self out of the equation. If you're sick, tired, angry or just plain don't won't to be messed with. . .SMILE when someone smiles at you, answer honestly when they ask how your day is and WATCH YOUR TONE!!! You never know how your bad day can change someone's good day.

My philosophy is to smile no matter what, because there is always something to smile about. And if my day is just that crappy to the point where I know I would probably be a "Debbie Downer" on someone else day, I get to myself and take time to get myself together ALONE. Cause sometimes its not what you said just how you said it or the face you gave.

RANDOM FACT: And a pet peeve is when people say they don't care if people take what they say the wrong way. . .Cause you should. You look ignorant cause you can't present your words in a fashion that the person can understand it the way you meant it. Just saying! Lets be real. . .You care!!!

"Smile every morning, cause there is someone worse off than you and laughing! Enjoy life!"
- I said that. LOL

Everyday Happenings # idk

        Soooo. . .I just wrote this awesome blog and now I can't find the darn thing anywhere. FML! Saved it and everything, bu that's cool. Me and this computer are gonna get real acquainted until I find it. lol.

They are just MOMENTS!

          Its fairly stupid to say that your life sucks or that you're not the best at something or you won't be greatness. Cause in reality we pretty much are all the same except for one little thing; we have these sudden moments in life where we are GREAT! We excel beyond our own limitations and we do things others are envious of. For some they come rarely and they aren't that awesome, others they come pretty frequently and they may astonish the world.
      So let me break down a little further how this process works to me (yeah, i'm getting psychological on you.). Name a moment in life where you can remember exactly how excited you are, I mean just thinking about it blows your mind and gets you all hyped up over again: When I made Cheer captain my senior year, getting beauty my senior year, making top five my junior year in college in Miss Maroon and White, the night he kissed me, and getting picked for the Diamond Award in my sorority. Now name some things you remember were awesome but you can't really conjure a feeling about it: I made a B on my first Organic exam, I got a scholarship to MSU <its harder to think of these> . . .I'll come up with some more later. LOL. But the point is that we all have great moments that we remember as like this major turning point but if they don't come regularly we find ourselves dwelling on the worse moments. But it's these in between victories that we must focus on. The ones that don't particularly conjure up any seriously emotional feelings but were attainable victories none the less. It's just like setting small goals except you are setting a more attainable mindset <BLOG IDEA>. So for example, I did terrible on my Organic II exam, but I reminded myself that I got a B on my first exam last semester. . .soooooo, its not impossible, its just as attainable then as it is now. People who do great realize this and because of it the little victories add up to big victories and the great moments seem to come everyday. Start small, BUILD BIG!!!

My favorite quotes state; Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, I'm possible -anonymous

"Whats possible has been done; what is impossible must be done" -Walt

Everyday Happenings #3

    Today I went to visit a Peer Counselor at our Career Center on campus. I told her all about how indecisive I was on wanting to go to Med school. I didn't tell her the real reason was I felt pressured from everyone, but I sugar coated it pretty well. She threw out some brilliant ideas and gave me a step by step plan on just deciding. I was feeling a little less "ugh". Then I called to tell my mom who discredited this woman saying she was trying to change my mind about Med school and discourage me. I probably should have told her right then that I wasn't to fond of the idea anymore, not so much the counselor. I constantly kept thinking about how disappointed everyone in the family would be, church members, and just everyone else. Then I called my oldest sister (who has been down this road already), and she encouraged me to do what I wanted to do. . .what makes me happy. And I started to think about waking up and heading off to work and I would be most happy being a HELPER (a counselor of some sorts). So I shall start there and I will have this daunting convo with my mother later.

Something is Burning

       We often hear the phrase "Its on the back burner" or "Don't put that on the back burner". This phrase came from the idea that usually when you cook the items that you are just heating or aren't tending to at the moment should be put on the back burner (out of the way). <Yes, I did just give you a lesson.>
So I started to ask myself these vital questions . . . "Whats on my back burner in Life? Does it need to moved to the front?"
       Well if you know me (really know me), you know I tend not to deal with my issues over others. I guess you can call it self-less, but I just call it fulfilling. I tend to take into consideration everyone else opinion before I even think about myself. This is a terrible trait to have by the way. Great. . .I like to think about others first but I tend to put my own feelings and ideas on the "back burner" to please others. This is not a sufficient way to live. So you can say that my back burner right now is overflowing with things that probably should be on the forefront.
      I had been thinking about doing this blog in particular for the past few days. It started with my inability to tell my sorority sisters, "NO, I need to study." I have this . . .eh, thing about me where I can easily be persuaded that something is the better option. <Another terrible trait to have> But I always regret it in the end because I'm too worried about someone thinking (in this particular situation) "She just doesn't want to hang out with us." Yeah, grown people still actually think this way sometimes. But today pushed me on to this blog!!! Today I met with a peer counselor to discuss my inability to decide what I want to do after college. . .It was overwhelming. You know that feeling you get when you someone ask you in High School what college are you going to, but you just DON'T KNOW?.. .Yeah, ten times worse. Called my mother who made me even more overwhelmed and then epiphany. . .I CALLED MY SISTER!!! Someone who could relate to me in all facades of the word. She was encouraging and it made me realize, I have let my feelings sit on the back burner so long they are starting to "burn" (fizzle out). I need to stop concerning myself with what others want or think and think about ME! So here it is:

"I may not become a doctor. I am not sure what I want to do but I want to do something that I can be great at. And I don't care if you judge me, because at least I am doing something with my life."

So if someone ask me what I am going to school to be. . .I will tell them, ". . . to become greater and when I specialize in my greatness I'll let you know."
Just ask yourself what are you putting on your back burner and is that where it should be. Seriously it could change your life!

Everyday Happenings #2

So I thought that this diet thing would be easy but I AM HUNGRY for something chunky. lol. I want some Panda Express or something. . .Then I remind myself that my body will thank me one day for not feeding it all the crap I want to eat. I will have more energy and I will feel better! So I keep reminding myself to do it for my health. . .cause at the end of the day it's one of the things keeping me on this Earth.

My words to live by:
My body is a temple and I shall treat it as such; because no one thinks a filthy temple is worth much.

Long Distance Love

First of all here is a little back history: I met my boyfriend at church. We knew each other for a year, friends for another and really close friends for the third year. He was my adviser during a very hard time in my life (I mean I lost my grandfather, long time boyfriend (we broke up) and my dog). He was always there for me. We both had no dates to junior prom (he broke up with his date days before and I got stood up), but we had each other. And now we are 3 years 9 months into the biggest learning experience of my life.

Now on to what I want to talk about which is how I, the biggest skepticist , ended up in a LONG distance relationship. If anyone knew me before I started dating my current BF, you know that I was very clingy and dependent upon my relationship. In other words, there is no way in the world I could be in a long distance relationship. I didn't believe in it. OH, but my Love tricked me. He made the most ingenious plan: fall head over heels madly in love then tell her you are moving very far away for school. Yes, this really happened. I guess it never crossed my mind to ask; "Hey, have you decided what school you're going to yet?". NOPE! It was just months before we graduated and there he was telling me all about this West Point Military Academy in New York. O__O I didn't know what to think. . .No one to always be around, go on dates with, hold hands with. . .NOTHING! I was petrified and I will never tell him this but I had set in my mind that we weren't going to make it past the first year of him being away. I mean we had been together for a year and yeah I had fallen in love with him, but it was fresh love (that kind were you never want to be away from each other EVER). So I decided just to give it a year. . .Enjoy it while I had it. Then something amazing happened. . .NOTHING! Nothing changed! When he wrote me, it was like he was there in the room talking to me (except he could actually get a word in). We Oovoo dated when we finally could talk to each other. But the thing of the matter was I was just as madly in love with him after a year in New York as I was when I danced with him at prom.

Don't get me wrong. . .It is difficult at times. I can't just hop in a car and ride two towns over like most "long distance" couples. But the times we have away from each other are just as special as the time we have with each other. We are constantly growing emotionally in love cause that is all we have! TRUE: not everyone or every couple can be in a long distance relationship. But when you truly care about someone you will give it your all. Long distance isn't as bad as it seems. . .It gives me some time to become a better me for him. So don't knock it until you're forced to try it. Tee-Hee!

I love George! I wouldn't change a thing about our relationship at all. Just FYI!

"MOM BODY"

This Summer

So this post might get a little emotional for me. Since I started college I have had an up and down battle with my weight. Now most of my friends will tell you, they think I'm the skinny one. But I found out that it's not what others see but how you see yourself. I grew up in a house where we are brutally honest with each other, I mean when you eat everyone watches your plate. Now when I was younger I was so excited about getting hips (which haven't stopped growing) and butt (which seemed to disappear). I WAS CURVY!!! Then college came along and you know how everyone gets about the dreaded "FRESHMAN 15" (you know those 15 lbs that you supposedly gain your first year in college, -___-). Well I worked my butt off my first semester freshman year. GYM. . .gYm and more GYM! I actually started to lose a lot of weight, even my family started to noticed.
As you all know everyone has those people in life who aren't satisfied unless you are always down. Well I had a few of those, and sadly then I called them friends (I'll tell you more about them when I get to my friendships). My freshman year I had two "friends" who were particularly skinny (one guy and one girl) and they gave me HELL about how curvy I was. And I started feeling like curvy just wasn't a good thing anymore. So every word they said and thing they did was another scratch on my board of pain. I didn't want to go swimming with them, I hated wearing skinny jeans around them. . .I just wanted to cover up every inch of my body with a trench coat (I've done this before in Middle School. Yes even during the Spring I wore it.). Then one day it hit rock bottom for me, as they tried to describe people's body type. . .mine got labeled a "MOM BODY" (this is big boobs, large hips, and chunky legs). I was hurt, but as usual I covered it up with humor. And maybe they thought it was funny but I completely did not. I got called that for a very long time. . .actually the better word is tormented. So every time someone would hint at the idea of "fat" and "me", I was devastated. So over the past two years I tried every method to get over my pain, from ignoring it to pretending to embrace it to crash diets to crying over it. NOTHING LIKE THAT WORKS!!! 


Then as cheesy as this may sound I read an article in Seventeen Mag about Demi Lovato and the "Love is Louder" Campaign. I cried while I read it. It was true! Love was louder than my weight issues. The ones who really cared about me never were concerned with my shape and those who were needed to know it was hurting me more than they thought. So I confronted them!! We kind of agreed that it wasn't cool and it needed to stop. That is when I began working on being healthy. Realizing that my "skinny" friends couldn't walk up three flights of stairs whereas I joyfully ran up them, made me feel GREAT! Not because they couldn't but because I was doing something that physically they told me I couldn't do. BOOM! I came to complete terms with my weight over the summer when I gained 20 lbs and that is when I wanted to do it (get healthy)  FOR ME!!!! I recently signed the Seventeen Body Peace Treaty and I am an avid supporter of Love is Louder Campaign. So the next time you call someone fat no matter if you think they are not THAT fat, jokingly or not, even if you call yourself that, out loud or in your head. . .THINK TWICE! Cause YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK!!!! (Ok, I made it through without tearing up)


P.S. I think my curves are sexy, cause my curves can run up 6 flights of stairs! HMPH!! Mom body that!

Everyday Happenings #1

I decided to do a day to day post just for the heck of it. So in today's day to day post I want to tell everyone about my "Soup & Salad" Diet (not a doctor or health provider made diet; do at your own risk). I was scrolling down Pinterest trying to find healthy food and I kept passing all these delicious soup recipes. And instantly it popped into my head. . .SOUP & SALAD! So I pondered it for a little while and came to the conclusion, this isn't a bad idea for a "diet". Yes, I keep putting emphasis on "diet". This is because its not your regular diet. As a college student I eat a lot of fat in my day to day eatings, so I wanted to cut back on the amount of fat intake. Not so much take all fat out in general, I mean I am trying to tone and you need fat to turn into muscle. So I started yesterday and I've pretty much stuck to it. And it has been delicious. I had a salad for lunch and potato soup for dinner. I just hope I can get to the end of February sticking to this "diet". Cause Marie loves her Chick-Fil-A Waffle Fries!!!! Now to stray from this coffee addiction. . .hmmmmm. . .

Pageant Glory

I remember very vividly seeing my mom run down the stairs in this big auditorium with a grin from ear to ear the year before as I placed in my High School Beauty and Beau, and that is all I thought about while I waited for them to announce the top 25 finalist of the Miss Maroon and White Pageant 2009. As it got down to the final names, I decided it was time to head back to the dressing room and get out of my gown because there was no chance. Granted I was right and I didn't place, but something clicked inside of me. I began to tear up, and I refused to stay for the remainder of the pageant. I vowed right then and there that I was NEVER competing in another Pageant AGAIN! If you guessed that I "told a fib" (just for my mother) than you would be correct. This past year I decided that I wanted to give Miss Maroon and White another go, but I was going to do it ALL THE WAY OUT of my little constrained box. This time I was going to actually tell people I was in it and I was going to practice for my interview and "TRY" to get into shape. . .you know all the bells and whistles that most pageant girls do anyway. And that I did, I got three ads instead of one and tons of friend and family support. I was livid, but I was still in my old ways . . . I didn't want to get my hopes up at all. All I wanted was to make it to the top 25 finalist, and I did! Then the top 15 . . .then one of the 4 BEAUTIES!!! I was backstage having a field day every time I heard my name called! I couldn't believe this was happening with so many very gorgeous girls competing. I came to the conclusion that it was the fact that not only did I have fun with it (meeting and talking to all the girls, being excited about people knowing & just plain enjoying the stage), but I was being a better ME! I didn't know myself that well freshman year to compete but this time I knew exactly who I wanted the judges to see and they saw it. :) I am on a mental HIGH and I am loving every second of it.