Femme Fatale - Alter Ego

   Every word you need or want her to say is written in her expression. Her eyes pierce through you, reading your every desire and playing it back like an old record. She gently smiles cause she knows she has you right. where. she. wants. you... and     There it is, you are under her spell whether she will enchant you for the night or forever is up to her because she now holds all the power. She is the epitome of femme fatale or a "deadly woman". 

   In real life (publicly to be more specific) I am the kind, shy wallflower who only speaks when spoken to and barely gets noticed. But every girl/woman has thought about how she would be if she could dress and act the way she wanted and not get judged for it, and we most likely label it our "Alter Ego". Well I want to introduce my alter ego to you and maybe even re-introduce her to some. Standing in front of you at a strong and lean height of 5'7" with an hour glass figure perfectly proportioned in her black, turtle-neck, quarter length sleeved and skin tight dress is none other than Marie. As you take time to examine her you notice her dark black hair cut into a uneven bob falling to her collar bone. Something about her eyes has captured you but you're just not sure what it is... Yes, my alter ego is a powerful sexy woman. You may even say a seductress of some sorts. She uses her sassy wit and fiery demeanor to enchant your soul (doesn't matter if you are male or female). She doesn't have to speak to get her point across to you ... she wants you (your company, your undivided attention, your love...). 

  I got inspired to write about my alter ego because every now and then she likes to rear her head in real life situations where I feel EXTRA confident. She usually catches people off guard and withdraws before being caught. On the rare occasion you may get her full on, but that is really really really rare. Marie narrows in on a person and makes it her goal to make them weak off her mere presence. Dependent upon her mood and who she has zoned in on usually nothing stands in her way of getting just that your affection. Luckily the real me is too shy and stubborn to let her reign and she remains an alter ego, but... if you ever catch my eye and she zeros in here are a few signs....

NOT! Femme fatales don't tell all. But know when you catch THAT stare or feel THAT closeness... she is very near and she is lurking on her next prey. 

XOXO 
Marie

P.S. You're special if you have already gotten a glimpse of her, but don't get your hopes up in the fantasy she may feed you! ;)

Hope you liked hearing about my alter ego! Maybe one day I will learn to mingle her in with my personality and she will no longer be an alter ego! 

After all this time...ALWAYS

 After all this time ... ALWAYS

Classic Harry Potter quote with a lot of meaning!!!

      This simple quote speaks words of wisdom to those of us in relationships whether it be long distance, long term, or married. To me  this quote simply amplifies the fact that even after years and years of being together they still  have those feelings they had from the beginning and forever will. I am a true believer in fairy tale love. I don't believe in all these stupid ideas about being with someone for so long can take the love out of a relationship. That you can get bored with someone you love. That arguing is a way of showing you love someone. Don't get me wrong its completely possible to feel all of these things when you don't put in the effort (from both parties) to make a difference. I can only tell you things from my point of view so here it is:

      My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, 5 months and 12 days.. I can honestly say that within those years we have raised our voices and not talked to each other maybe once. We are not the couple for arguing or throwing fits (even though I do sometimes, he handles them well). In my previous relationship which was also long term (almost 6 years), I struggled to find ways to keep things fresh, not to get bored and to stay interested and level headed. But I found out through much trial and error that when you are truly in love you don't have to over-think these things because they come naturally. You are always wanted to make the other person happy, cheer them up and do all the dorky romantic stuff you see in the movies for them. My rule of thumb has always been if I feel like I am not being romanticized enough: What have I done romantic for him lately?? 

That's when the mush fest begins: 

1. Its true that you don't have to BUY things to have a good time... Examples:

• George had me a indoor picnic during Christmas time under an all white Christmas tree with candles and all the random food in the kitchen (chicken strips, chips, biscuits)

• I took time out of my day to like almost every picture or status on his Facebook page, I even messaged him and wrote on his wall.

• We send random e-mails or cards to each other without letting the other person know so they are surprised.

2. Keep conversation fresh... Examples:

• We have a very forgetful memory so we take time out to ask each other questions, kind of like the "21 Questions" Game
• We find books or TV shows that we can talk about together: Our favorite show is Vampire Diaries and we openly discuss the 50 Shades of Grey and his hatred for Harry Potter. 
• We plan the future theoretically by asking questions: "What kind of house do you want?" "Where do you want to live?" WHY? (that always kicks are conversations into gear.)

3. We have an understanding that arguing will be a waste of our energy and we are too lazy for that!! Why scream and yell when the whole point of us talking to each other is to listen?!

4. Reminisce... Yes, we often ponder back on things we did when we first got together such as our first kiss, first time going to the fair, etc. Its always fun and interesting to compare stories and memories. (We found out that I focus I minor detailed things whereas he sees the big picture event)

5. Always find time to tell the person how much you love them... whether you buy them roses and a card or simply send a text... NEVER FORGET THE SMALL THINGS! 

Well, I think I have babbled on enough about what we do... I hope this helps someone to keep the LOVE alive. Cause I don't know about you but I want my kids to be able to use me as their prime example to what love really looks like!!! :)

Keep it Classy, XOXO

Beautiful (random small thing: He has called me by this nickname since we first started dating and I told him I really loved that adjective :D )

My D-Xirable Ladies!!!

      People ask me all the time, "Now what is the name of your sorority?!" Well I am a member of Delta Xi Phi Multicultural Sorority, Inc. We are the LARGEST and ONLY Multicultural Sorority in the SEC and at Mississippi State University! As an African American student I get crazy looks all the time... you know that look you just gave me when I said I was African American and you immediately went back to make sure I didn't misspell Delta Sigma Theta. LOL! That is fine! I get it a lot at home, on campus, church, etc. It is a small organization and it most definitely isn't for those T-Shirt Wearing Members (those people who join organizations just to say they are in it and put it on an application)! We battle a lot as a "different" kind of Greek organization in the south: Work overload, crazy stares, belief that we really aren't a Greek organization, and did I mention the crazy stares?!

WORK OVERLOAD
    People often see me or my sorority sisters looking like we are about to drown in work... Well usually we are! Or we may seem like we want to just strangle each other... We absolutely do! But our trademark saying for Gamma Chapter of Delta Xi Phi is "What you see is what you get!" We don't try to pretend like everyday is like running through a field of yellow roses into the sunset! We work tremendously hard!! We are who we are! No I don't get along with all my sisters on a daily basis... Hence the word "sisters". We truly are the epitome of a family! Some days we love to be around each and other days with love to give each other the blank stare (-___-)! Also as a small Greek organization a lot of work is spread among a small amount of already overly busy people! So every person has to step up and no one is ever allowed to rest on the job (which is a 24/7 job)! But at the end of the day, its love and we know we would do anything for each other and our organization!

FALSE BELIEF
   We get underestimated a lot! We are a Social Greek Organization like everyone else. We accept people no matter their COLOR, CREED, CULTURE or RELIGION. Its the main focus of our organization!!!  Yes, we are the group of girls that most people never thought would ever become Greek! We support each others' decisions no matter how different they may be from our personal beliefs! We have chapters NATIONWIDE! We have a National Board and an abundance of still active alumnae! We do wear Greek Letter jackets, stroll (varies from chapter to chapter), have special sisters only information and we RUSH (also differs from chapter to chapter). We are GREEK! We are REAL! 

LOOKS
    I won't even write much in this section because I think I made my point in the opening paragraph. As a different organization we get a lot of strange glares. You know, that look like "You are not really serious?" or "That's an honors group, right?!" or just "WHY?!" True! I could have chosen any other organization in the Divine 9 (just using this as an example cause I am African American and that's where my crazy looks stem from. "Shaughnessy, Why didn't you join a historic Greek organization?! You would have gotten further with them." <--- Yes, I have been told this before!), but I chose  DXP! Just like any other Sorority Lady chose their Organization over another. I just felt at home with these ladies! :)

Anywhoo! I thought I would write about one of the BEST decisions I have ever made in my life and I hope everyone makes a decision that is right for them! 

Whatever you do, in college, GO GREEK!!! Its totally FUN!!! ;)

Stick It!

   The hardest part of anything is actually sticking to it! Anyone can start a project or be great at something for 5 minutes, but those people that commit are the ones who succeed. Committing to something has always been my down fall in life, but when I do spectacular things happen! This blog is a failed attempt at me trying to commit to something. LOL! Recently though I have started running and working out. I decided to set an alarm  Monday, Wednesday and Friday to wake up and run. I told my boyfriend jokingly (but semi-serious) that its awesome if I can stick to this but I have to wait at least two weeks to decide whether it had become a habit. Well it's 3 weeks and I have only missed one day of running. I feel better and I get more work done daily. Its not that I don't have faith in myself to stick to something but I know as soon as something gets harder to do I give up. So my real trial comes with if I continue doing this after school starts! School, work, exercising and sorority! I think I can do it if I just.... STICK IT!!!

Hula Dance Update

      So this is an update on my Adventures of Hula Hoop Dancing! I'm just practicing on a few skills at a time... I even have my nephew working with me. : ) I feel a little accomplished everytime I get something new. My favorite part of today though was when I tried to do my throw and I dropped my hoop ... my nephew said, "You just have to practice." And the next time I tried it, I threw it and I caught it!!! Gotta keep him around for the entire adventure...

    Welp I just wanted to give everyone an update. . . Its GO FOR IT season!!!

GO FOR IT!!!

            So this may only apply to me, but I know that every other day I find something new that I would love to try! Whether it be pole dancing, hoop dancing, bow-and-arrow, volunteer firefighter, body builder or Miss Black MS USA... I have considered it all. But I guess my question is, "Whats wrong with that?" Why can't I attempt.. and yes possibly fail at some of these things... If someone puts their mind to it they can achieve anything, right?! So I have decided to put this to the ultimate test... My Summer/Fall 2012 will be dedicated to doing all the crazy ridiculous things I still tell my boyfriend I want to try to this day. I will blog about... the good, the bad and the ugly! Some of these will take more than half a year to do, but it will be done. I'm tired of people looking at me crazy when I say I want to do something... Cause you know what, its possible! And now since I am pretty clear on what I want to do professionally <clinical psychologist>, I can concentrate on all the ridiculous things that distract my mind daily.  And Hoop Dancing is number 1 on my to-do list... Priority One: Get a hula hoop! LOL!

       I said all that to say this: If there is something ridiculously, out of this world, crazy that you have always wanted to try at least once... GO FOR IT! Paint, Tight Rope, Ballroom Dancing, Photography, Singing, Playing Piano... etc. GO FOR IT! Cause at the end of the day, they may say its crazy but when it's all said and done... You can tell them that you did it <you liked it, you didn't like it, it was difficult, you suck at it>, but you did it!

So go explore a hidden talent.... You never know you may find the next million dollar act!!!! :)

UNIVERSAL

       People always make the statement that language, race and religion can be huge barriers but one thing that is always universal is a smile or laughter. And this is very true. But I would like to make the argument that there is one more thing that is universal other than a smile that if recognized as such could make a world of difference: MISTAKES. We all make them and we even find time in our schedule to let other people know they are making them. We like to make the cliche statement that no one is perfect, but when it comes down to it no one wants to admit that they have made a mistake. Well .  .  . I make mistakes, BIG mistakes! And sometimes I don't make up for my mistakes or confess to having made the mistake. <Hey, look another mistake I make> Everyone makes them. . .we get upset, we say and do things we don't mean, we make a mistake that is hard to take back and could potentially lead to more mistakes and not just our own.
      As much as we would like to say "it was because of this" and "because you said or did this", the truth of the matter is for one second in time we forgot who we were <HUMANS> and we forgot that the one thing that humans are good at is the ability to make mistakes. And this is when the cycle begins <You make a mistake-I get frustrated with your mistake-So I do something that ends up being a mistake-Then you get upset with me for my mistake> . And at the end of the day, we know, neither will back down and say they were wrong. Hell. . .You'll be lucky if the person even acknowledges that you exist anymore.
     So as not only a psychology major but also a leader of an organization on a university campus, I see this all the time. I'm a part of it more than half the time. And I'll be the first to admit that I usually know when I'm making a mistake or allowing someone to make a mistake. . .I think it through in my head and I go, "Well if no harm comes of it. . .No point correcting it now." And that is when the world explodes, buildings start crashing, the oceans start to cover the continents, all food supplies are down and the temperature heats up to a BOIL. Ok. . .so it's not that dramatic, but it can feel that way. It is hard to remind yourself at all times that a universal law states that at some point I will as a human make a mistake that could be a domino for a whole bunch of nonsense mistakes. I guess the next best question is "WHO WILL BE THE BIGGER PERSON?"

P.S. I made a mistake. . .Can WE fix it?!

Things I Have Learned About Myself

I think everyone has this list of things they just are for sure they know about themselves. How they act, how virtuous they are, how much people like them, etc. But during my time in college I have learned to realistically edit this list. SO I decided to create a list of things about myself (stuff I will readily admit and stuff I wish weren't true) . . .This is the most realistic list I can compile. Have fun and see how many we have in common:

• I am very indecisive. I change my views, morals and opinion every other day. Along with my favorite color and fashion style.
• I easily pick up traits from other people, even things about them that I really don't like.
• I have a middle ground opinion on every major debatable thing cause it is easier than having to explain myself.
• I change around every person I am around; I even tend to talk differently (tone and everything)
• I can't stick to anything!!! If it is too hard or failure is evident; I just plain and simple give up.
• I freaking love drama. Not because I like mess, but because I confident in the heat of a moment.
• Scary moments bring out the BEST in me. I am more calm during an accident than I am just driving normally.
• I suck at small talk. Usually my conversations with strangers doesn't get past, "How is your day?" "Good." "Good."
• I HATE BEING TOLD I AM WRONG!!! But if I see your point I will eventually correct myself, eventually.
• I can't hold a grudge against someone. 
• I know what is right but most times I still do what is wrong.
• I strive to please other people. I want to make sure you like me, even if it means going outside of myself.
• I don't like feel threatened in my territory. Its a dominant Leo thing.
• I have really BIG ideas; but I don't follow through on most of them.
• I am rudely sarcastic. I think its funny but sometimes it can come off very bitchy.
• I'm terrible with keeping in contact with people. Even people I truly care about.

     Well these are just a few things I have learned but I'm sure I could add to this list a million more things.

It Is All About YOU. . .Sometimes!!!

            So as many of you know I am the youngest of three girls and I also joined a sorority in 2010. Now I can't deny that I love being around all of my sisters (blood and paper), but sometimes I just need time to myself. I have learned over the past semester that its okay to get away to yourself sometimes. Having "ME time" has been a cliche saying and sometimes tossed around phrase that most people use in joking manner.Well I am here to let everyone know that there is nothing wrong with keeping to yourself. I can truly say this. . . (Back history time): Anyone who knows me can tell you I am not the social butterfly. I literally was called a mute in High School and the only thing they could put in my final testament was something about my appearance. -___- I didn't want friends in High School. I had a few close ones and that was enough. I got to college and not much changed; I met a few close friends and that is where I kept it at. . .for a little while. Then I really started hanging out with an old friend from High School. She was the poster child for extroverts. She knew everyone on campus and everyone knew her. Strangely I got tangled up in her group of friends, since I was her closest. I thought I made tons of friends. . .NOT! She left for a semester and all I ever got was, "Hey! (not even a name) So have you heard from Karyn*?" REALLY? What about me? So I decided to start hanging around my sorority sisters A LOT and by a lot I mean A LOT!!!! We started getting on each others nerves so bad, we would stop talking to each other for days. It then that I realized I needed to just get to myself.
       So here I am after growing up with 3 sisters. . .being around over 20 sorors. . .on Spring Break realizing that all I really want is a hot tub with a beach view, a glass of Amaretto Sour on the rocks and SILENCE! And you know what nothing is wrong with wanting to get some time to yourself. Sometimes it's okay to make a few days ALL ABOUT YOU!! (Unless you're just the epic social butterfly) I know for myself those times when I don't answer calls or texts (deliberately), when I sit in the room with you but won't talk; I am taking time out for myself. I am thinking about what I could improve on, how beautiful the world is around me and just how blessed I truly am.
     Its important no matter how busy you are to take time out just to look out the window for ten seconds, make yourself your favorite snack and watch your favorite movie, jam out to your entire iPod playlist. . . .HECK, start a blog. Do something for you and escape from everyone else. . .See how much you really know about yourself or how much you've really changed. As for me I haven't changed much, I've realized this personality has always been inside of me just expressed quietly or around different people differently. And I know this because I take time to practice Yoga meditation in the middle of the day. . .sometimes while YOU are talking to me. LOL! JK! But really. . . . -____- Stop complaining about how busy you are and just close your eyes and take a deep breath and clear your mind. . .listen to the sound of your breath (and analyze).

Not What You Say, But How You Say It

My sisters can vouch for this: I am extra sensitive!!! I try to play like I'm hard and I got it all together, but really I am over-analytic and very people conscious. I grew a tough skin growing up in my house with two older sisters (that I love very much)! But what I remember most saying, not just to my sisters (who rolled their eyes when I cried cause they were jokingly picking on me), but also to my parents (who granted love each other but fight over "Why you say it like that?!" kind of stuff): "Its not what you say, but how you say it!"

I don't care how many times someone apologizes, you could tell if they were being sincere, right? Well same thing applies to regular everyday conversations. When you are talking to someone we often let the way we are feeling get in the way of how we speak to people or our attitudes. I remember one time distinctly last semester, one of my sorors and I started jokingly hitting each other in the boob at random (yeah, its stupid. But we are all a little stupid sometimes.). One day I was having a really crappy day, and she came up to me and hit me. Me, acting out of how I was feeling that instead of the light of the moment , hit her EXTRA hard. She got mad and we yelled .  .  . and like all good sisters we got over it eventually. But the point was I let the fact that I was having a bad day influence my actions which in turn ruined someone else day. All I'm saying is sometimes you have to take self out of the equation. If you're sick, tired, angry or just plain don't won't to be messed with. . .SMILE when someone smiles at you, answer honestly when they ask how your day is and WATCH YOUR TONE!!! You never know how your bad day can change someone's good day.

My philosophy is to smile no matter what, because there is always something to smile about. And if my day is just that crappy to the point where I know I would probably be a "Debbie Downer" on someone else day, I get to myself and take time to get myself together ALONE. Cause sometimes its not what you said just how you said it or the face you gave.

RANDOM FACT: And a pet peeve is when people say they don't care if people take what they say the wrong way. . .Cause you should. You look ignorant cause you can't present your words in a fashion that the person can understand it the way you meant it. Just saying! Lets be real. . .You care!!!

"Smile every morning, cause there is someone worse off than you and laughing! Enjoy life!"
- I said that. LOL

Everyday Happenings # idk

        Soooo. . .I just wrote this awesome blog and now I can't find the darn thing anywhere. FML! Saved it and everything, bu that's cool. Me and this computer are gonna get real acquainted until I find it. lol.

They are just MOMENTS!

          Its fairly stupid to say that your life sucks or that you're not the best at something or you won't be greatness. Cause in reality we pretty much are all the same except for one little thing; we have these sudden moments in life where we are GREAT! We excel beyond our own limitations and we do things others are envious of. For some they come rarely and they aren't that awesome, others they come pretty frequently and they may astonish the world.
      So let me break down a little further how this process works to me (yeah, i'm getting psychological on you.). Name a moment in life where you can remember exactly how excited you are, I mean just thinking about it blows your mind and gets you all hyped up over again: When I made Cheer captain my senior year, getting beauty my senior year, making top five my junior year in college in Miss Maroon and White, the night he kissed me, and getting picked for the Diamond Award in my sorority. Now name some things you remember were awesome but you can't really conjure a feeling about it: I made a B on my first Organic exam, I got a scholarship to MSU <its harder to think of these> . . .I'll come up with some more later. LOL. But the point is that we all have great moments that we remember as like this major turning point but if they don't come regularly we find ourselves dwelling on the worse moments. But it's these in between victories that we must focus on. The ones that don't particularly conjure up any seriously emotional feelings but were attainable victories none the less. It's just like setting small goals except you are setting a more attainable mindset <BLOG IDEA>. So for example, I did terrible on my Organic II exam, but I reminded myself that I got a B on my first exam last semester. . .soooooo, its not impossible, its just as attainable then as it is now. People who do great realize this and because of it the little victories add up to big victories and the great moments seem to come everyday. Start small, BUILD BIG!!!

My favorite quotes state; Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, I'm possible -anonymous

"Whats possible has been done; what is impossible must be done" -Walt

Everyday Happenings #3

    Today I went to visit a Peer Counselor at our Career Center on campus. I told her all about how indecisive I was on wanting to go to Med school. I didn't tell her the real reason was I felt pressured from everyone, but I sugar coated it pretty well. She threw out some brilliant ideas and gave me a step by step plan on just deciding. I was feeling a little less "ugh". Then I called to tell my mom who discredited this woman saying she was trying to change my mind about Med school and discourage me. I probably should have told her right then that I wasn't to fond of the idea anymore, not so much the counselor. I constantly kept thinking about how disappointed everyone in the family would be, church members, and just everyone else. Then I called my oldest sister (who has been down this road already), and she encouraged me to do what I wanted to do. . .what makes me happy. And I started to think about waking up and heading off to work and I would be most happy being a HELPER (a counselor of some sorts). So I shall start there and I will have this daunting convo with my mother later.

Something is Burning

       We often hear the phrase "Its on the back burner" or "Don't put that on the back burner". This phrase came from the idea that usually when you cook the items that you are just heating or aren't tending to at the moment should be put on the back burner (out of the way). <Yes, I did just give you a lesson.>
So I started to ask myself these vital questions . . . "Whats on my back burner in Life? Does it need to moved to the front?"
       Well if you know me (really know me), you know I tend not to deal with my issues over others. I guess you can call it self-less, but I just call it fulfilling. I tend to take into consideration everyone else opinion before I even think about myself. This is a terrible trait to have by the way. Great. . .I like to think about others first but I tend to put my own feelings and ideas on the "back burner" to please others. This is not a sufficient way to live. So you can say that my back burner right now is overflowing with things that probably should be on the forefront.
      I had been thinking about doing this blog in particular for the past few days. It started with my inability to tell my sorority sisters, "NO, I need to study." I have this . . .eh, thing about me where I can easily be persuaded that something is the better option. <Another terrible trait to have> But I always regret it in the end because I'm too worried about someone thinking (in this particular situation) "She just doesn't want to hang out with us." Yeah, grown people still actually think this way sometimes. But today pushed me on to this blog!!! Today I met with a peer counselor to discuss my inability to decide what I want to do after college. . .It was overwhelming. You know that feeling you get when you someone ask you in High School what college are you going to, but you just DON'T KNOW?.. .Yeah, ten times worse. Called my mother who made me even more overwhelmed and then epiphany. . .I CALLED MY SISTER!!! Someone who could relate to me in all facades of the word. She was encouraging and it made me realize, I have let my feelings sit on the back burner so long they are starting to "burn" (fizzle out). I need to stop concerning myself with what others want or think and think about ME! So here it is:

"I may not become a doctor. I am not sure what I want to do but I want to do something that I can be great at. And I don't care if you judge me, because at least I am doing something with my life."

So if someone ask me what I am going to school to be. . .I will tell them, ". . . to become greater and when I specialize in my greatness I'll let you know."
Just ask yourself what are you putting on your back burner and is that where it should be. Seriously it could change your life!

Everyday Happenings #2

So I thought that this diet thing would be easy but I AM HUNGRY for something chunky. lol. I want some Panda Express or something. . .Then I remind myself that my body will thank me one day for not feeding it all the crap I want to eat. I will have more energy and I will feel better! So I keep reminding myself to do it for my health. . .cause at the end of the day it's one of the things keeping me on this Earth.

My words to live by:
My body is a temple and I shall treat it as such; because no one thinks a filthy temple is worth much.

Long Distance Love

First of all here is a little back history: I met my boyfriend at church. We knew each other for a year, friends for another and really close friends for the third year. He was my adviser during a very hard time in my life (I mean I lost my grandfather, long time boyfriend (we broke up) and my dog). He was always there for me. We both had no dates to junior prom (he broke up with his date days before and I got stood up), but we had each other. And now we are 3 years 9 months into the biggest learning experience of my life.

Now on to what I want to talk about which is how I, the biggest skepticist , ended up in a LONG distance relationship. If anyone knew me before I started dating my current BF, you know that I was very clingy and dependent upon my relationship. In other words, there is no way in the world I could be in a long distance relationship. I didn't believe in it. OH, but my Love tricked me. He made the most ingenious plan: fall head over heels madly in love then tell her you are moving very far away for school. Yes, this really happened. I guess it never crossed my mind to ask; "Hey, have you decided what school you're going to yet?". NOPE! It was just months before we graduated and there he was telling me all about this West Point Military Academy in New York. O__O I didn't know what to think. . .No one to always be around, go on dates with, hold hands with. . .NOTHING! I was petrified and I will never tell him this but I had set in my mind that we weren't going to make it past the first year of him being away. I mean we had been together for a year and yeah I had fallen in love with him, but it was fresh love (that kind were you never want to be away from each other EVER). So I decided just to give it a year. . .Enjoy it while I had it. Then something amazing happened. . .NOTHING! Nothing changed! When he wrote me, it was like he was there in the room talking to me (except he could actually get a word in). We Oovoo dated when we finally could talk to each other. But the thing of the matter was I was just as madly in love with him after a year in New York as I was when I danced with him at prom.

Don't get me wrong. . .It is difficult at times. I can't just hop in a car and ride two towns over like most "long distance" couples. But the times we have away from each other are just as special as the time we have with each other. We are constantly growing emotionally in love cause that is all we have! TRUE: not everyone or every couple can be in a long distance relationship. But when you truly care about someone you will give it your all. Long distance isn't as bad as it seems. . .It gives me some time to become a better me for him. So don't knock it until you're forced to try it. Tee-Hee!

I love George! I wouldn't change a thing about our relationship at all. Just FYI!

"MOM BODY"

This Summer

So this post might get a little emotional for me. Since I started college I have had an up and down battle with my weight. Now most of my friends will tell you, they think I'm the skinny one. But I found out that it's not what others see but how you see yourself. I grew up in a house where we are brutally honest with each other, I mean when you eat everyone watches your plate. Now when I was younger I was so excited about getting hips (which haven't stopped growing) and butt (which seemed to disappear). I WAS CURVY!!! Then college came along and you know how everyone gets about the dreaded "FRESHMAN 15" (you know those 15 lbs that you supposedly gain your first year in college, -___-). Well I worked my butt off my first semester freshman year. GYM. . .gYm and more GYM! I actually started to lose a lot of weight, even my family started to noticed.
As you all know everyone has those people in life who aren't satisfied unless you are always down. Well I had a few of those, and sadly then I called them friends (I'll tell you more about them when I get to my friendships). My freshman year I had two "friends" who were particularly skinny (one guy and one girl) and they gave me HELL about how curvy I was. And I started feeling like curvy just wasn't a good thing anymore. So every word they said and thing they did was another scratch on my board of pain. I didn't want to go swimming with them, I hated wearing skinny jeans around them. . .I just wanted to cover up every inch of my body with a trench coat (I've done this before in Middle School. Yes even during the Spring I wore it.). Then one day it hit rock bottom for me, as they tried to describe people's body type. . .mine got labeled a "MOM BODY" (this is big boobs, large hips, and chunky legs). I was hurt, but as usual I covered it up with humor. And maybe they thought it was funny but I completely did not. I got called that for a very long time. . .actually the better word is tormented. So every time someone would hint at the idea of "fat" and "me", I was devastated. So over the past two years I tried every method to get over my pain, from ignoring it to pretending to embrace it to crash diets to crying over it. NOTHING LIKE THAT WORKS!!! 


Then as cheesy as this may sound I read an article in Seventeen Mag about Demi Lovato and the "Love is Louder" Campaign. I cried while I read it. It was true! Love was louder than my weight issues. The ones who really cared about me never were concerned with my shape and those who were needed to know it was hurting me more than they thought. So I confronted them!! We kind of agreed that it wasn't cool and it needed to stop. That is when I began working on being healthy. Realizing that my "skinny" friends couldn't walk up three flights of stairs whereas I joyfully ran up them, made me feel GREAT! Not because they couldn't but because I was doing something that physically they told me I couldn't do. BOOM! I came to complete terms with my weight over the summer when I gained 20 lbs and that is when I wanted to do it (get healthy)  FOR ME!!!! I recently signed the Seventeen Body Peace Treaty and I am an avid supporter of Love is Louder Campaign. So the next time you call someone fat no matter if you think they are not THAT fat, jokingly or not, even if you call yourself that, out loud or in your head. . .THINK TWICE! Cause YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK!!!! (Ok, I made it through without tearing up)


P.S. I think my curves are sexy, cause my curves can run up 6 flights of stairs! HMPH!! Mom body that!

Everyday Happenings #1

I decided to do a day to day post just for the heck of it. So in today's day to day post I want to tell everyone about my "Soup & Salad" Diet (not a doctor or health provider made diet; do at your own risk). I was scrolling down Pinterest trying to find healthy food and I kept passing all these delicious soup recipes. And instantly it popped into my head. . .SOUP & SALAD! So I pondered it for a little while and came to the conclusion, this isn't a bad idea for a "diet". Yes, I keep putting emphasis on "diet". This is because its not your regular diet. As a college student I eat a lot of fat in my day to day eatings, so I wanted to cut back on the amount of fat intake. Not so much take all fat out in general, I mean I am trying to tone and you need fat to turn into muscle. So I started yesterday and I've pretty much stuck to it. And it has been delicious. I had a salad for lunch and potato soup for dinner. I just hope I can get to the end of February sticking to this "diet". Cause Marie loves her Chick-Fil-A Waffle Fries!!!! Now to stray from this coffee addiction. . .hmmmmm. . .

Pageant Glory

I remember very vividly seeing my mom run down the stairs in this big auditorium with a grin from ear to ear the year before as I placed in my High School Beauty and Beau, and that is all I thought about while I waited for them to announce the top 25 finalist of the Miss Maroon and White Pageant 2009. As it got down to the final names, I decided it was time to head back to the dressing room and get out of my gown because there was no chance. Granted I was right and I didn't place, but something clicked inside of me. I began to tear up, and I refused to stay for the remainder of the pageant. I vowed right then and there that I was NEVER competing in another Pageant AGAIN! If you guessed that I "told a fib" (just for my mother) than you would be correct. This past year I decided that I wanted to give Miss Maroon and White another go, but I was going to do it ALL THE WAY OUT of my little constrained box. This time I was going to actually tell people I was in it and I was going to practice for my interview and "TRY" to get into shape. . .you know all the bells and whistles that most pageant girls do anyway. And that I did, I got three ads instead of one and tons of friend and family support. I was livid, but I was still in my old ways . . . I didn't want to get my hopes up at all. All I wanted was to make it to the top 25 finalist, and I did! Then the top 15 . . .then one of the 4 BEAUTIES!!! I was backstage having a field day every time I heard my name called! I couldn't believe this was happening with so many very gorgeous girls competing. I came to the conclusion that it was the fact that not only did I have fun with it (meeting and talking to all the girls, being excited about people knowing & just plain enjoying the stage), but I was being a better ME! I didn't know myself that well freshman year to compete but this time I knew exactly who I wanted the judges to see and they saw it. :) I am on a mental HIGH and I am loving every second of it.